We have had several ultrasounds and have gotten to see her so many times now.  She is so precious and beautiful.  We can see a right lung and are just praying that it works.  The 4D ultrasounds have been amazing…  She looks like me more than my other children!!  I am now so attached that I can’t even think about any negative possiblities..

I am leaving to stay at the Ronald McDonald House in a few weeks.  The docs want me to be close to the hospital incase I go into labor early.. Makes really great sense to me.  My aunt is coming to stay with me and Baby Tony up there.  Happy we finally arrangements made for our twenty month old, it took off so much stess.  I am excited to see what is going to happen, and praying for the best.  I am now going twice a week for stess tests and fluid checks.. So far everything is wonderful.  Hope it stays that way.

We have her room started.  It is so precious.  Clothes are bought and she has the most precious teddy bear waiting on her.  I have croched a beautiful blanket..  I think we are ready.

Wish us luck and keep praying for our precious Lizzy Jo..  Our roller coaster ride is about to begin.

We got a second look at Lizzy’s diaphragmatic hernia.  Her heart has migrated to right side, her intestines, liver and stomach is up.  That isn’t so great…  The good side is, it seems like she isn’t going to have a congenital heart defect and her amnio came back normal.  We are just going to have to help her fight the CDH. 

We have decided on the team at at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. We talked to the docs at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and were informed that most of the docs we will be dealing with at Chapel Hill have been trained and practiced at CHOP.  We are confident Lizzy Jo will get the best care possible at UNC.  We had another ultrasound at the fetal specialist Wednesday, and at twenty weeks she was 11 ounces.  We are so praying she is going to be a big girl with big lungs.. 

In the next week or two, Tony and I will be going to Chapel Hill for Lizzy’s first MRI.  Hopefully, they will be able to get some sort of idea as to how much of her lungs are developing.  We are praying for a head to lung ration of over 1 but are preparing ourselves for a low number.  We are also expecting to hear she has very low chances of survival.  I just know she is going to fight really hard and survive, so the low numbers don’t really mean much.

Tony and I are so very scared.  The strain of the worry is starting to have an effect.  We aren’t talking as much, and I feel like I am becoming very distant from everyone around me.  I am trying so hard to be strong and not let this consume me.  I feel myself really slipping into depression.  I am trying so hard to fight all the negative feelings. I am usuallly a very positive, outgoing kind of gal, but I am having the hardest time being around anyone. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through, and I have a feeling it is just going to get harder…. 

I am so fighting the negative feelings, and am trying to visualize positive things.  I can see her riding a horse for the first time, all of us in a family photo, her and baby Tony eating ice cream cones, buying her first pair of shoes, playing Barbie, or her telling me to read her favorite story for the tenth time before bed.  I know the power of positive imagery and trusting God.  I know I have to keep my head up, and try to stay positive. 

I am so hoping that something happens, and life starts looking less bleak..